To kiss or not to kiss, that is the question or at least it's one of the questions that non-Europeans often ask themselves when greeting a French person. To some Americans, it might seem the French are always kissing each other. In France and other French-speaking countries, people kiss their family members, friends, even their bosses sometimes. They give them two, three, sometimes four kisses on the cheek. But yet there are some occasions when people don't kiss at all and only a handshake will do. Confusing? Yes, very much so.

This cultural tutorial is designed to help you fine-tune your "la bise" skills.

Quand?
"Fait une bise" whenever you see your family members, you colleagues at work or you meet friends for the first time that day. So once a day is the rule. If you arrive at a party, start making the rounds and "fait la bise" right away - it might take you some time until you are finished.

Qui?
This one is more complicated as you need to take into account age, social standing and in professional terms the seniority of your counterpart. Family and close friends are easy - you always can initiate "la bise". For acquaintances and colleagues you can follow a simple rule: Let the older or more senior person initiate "la bise". Keep in mind you never, ever take the initiative to kiss your boss - a sure way to get fired. So what about man greeting man: In general no "bise", but between the younger generation "la bise" is increasingly common. Woman greeting woman and man greeting woman: always "la bise", but follow the aforementioned rules.

Comment?
It depends - if you want to play it safe just touch the cheek with your cheek. With family and close friends you might actually kiss them lightly on the cheek. No wet kisses please. The more distant the person, the less body contact. If you must, touch one arm of your counterpart; touching two arms is still acceptable. Let's examine a bit the man greeting woman "bise": as a rule no flirting is involved here, let's say in 99.99% of the cases. But any rule has its exceptions. So it could be an excellent opener to start flirting. Where else in the world do you find such an opportunity to get so close while greeting a person. So the length, intensity and body language is a great opportunity to express your affection. But use charm and decency, don't overdo it. Manage the situation with great finesse! Sometimes less is more.

Combien?
Well, that's the big question, nobody can answer this one for sure. In Provence people generally kiss three times: left cheek, right cheek, left cheek or right, left, right - although the order does not matter. The Parisienne "society" kisses only twice: left, right or right, left. The Parisienne bourgeoisie reportedly kisses three times. And then there are regions in France where you kiss four times. In the end nobody is really sure how many times - it depends on the person and occasion. Twice is the minimum and be prepared to go at least three times, unless of course you're in French-speaking Belgium where the custom is to kiss once. That said, the Belgians are known for giving three kisses on special occasions like New Year's Day or one's birthday.

Easy, n'est-ce pas?

Article adapted from the Provence Hide-away Blog